It’s my birthday month, and those who know me know I enjoy a month long celebration : ) .
For a long time this was about my inability to set limits and say no. I was constantly in go go go, do do do mode; this is how I’d spend most of my time. And so when my birthday rolled around, it felt like the one day of the year where the tables would turn, and I could turn off all caretaking duties. Yep, the lioness Leo me, I wanted ALL.EYES.ON.ME. As you can probably imagine, my birthdays were often a let down. Who could live up to that kind of pressure? Today, I still love my birthday, and believe me–I still celebrate big, and I still herald the coming birthday weeks ahead with several “it’s my birthday soon.”
My beloved is patient, nods and smiles, knowing better than to roll his eyes at me : ) .
But here’s the thing. I don’t feel the loadedness of my birthday that I once did, that all or nothing, today has to be perfect and no one can forget, because it’s MY TURN DAMMIT. Yes, I love to celebrate another day alive and well, and I love to be celebrated, because it’s fun! Life is short, tomorrow is uncertain, and all the things that are true about the road we are all on. But my birthday can be low key, and I’m good with it. Took me a while to figure out why, but I think it’s basically about these few things:
- Maturity. Getting older, the ups and downs of life, all the things I couldn’t control have grounded and humbled me, but have also put into perspective what matters most, which for me is quality time with loved ones.
- Knowing myself. For me, the (aforementioned) twists and turns of living as a human–all the things I couldn’t control–prompted me to look deep inside and get real with what was there. There was a lot, and it wasn’t all pretty. One of the things that was there: People Pleaser. I always felt that doing for others was most important, no matter the cost to me. I was always sure this would come back to me AT LEAST on my birthday. Wrong. This was a recipe for feeling let-down, yuck.
- Loving myself. I found a way, no matter what I discovered when looking deep inside, to love what I found. I found a way to love all the parts of me, even the things I wanted to and worked to change. I’m not perfect, and I’m not trying to be. I’m just trying to be the best me I can.
- Confidence. A key ingredient, of course is confidence. I stopped letting other people’s priorities dictate my worth. Allowing my imperfections, along with my not-enough-it is, to drive my internal narratives, tanked my self-confidence. My inner critic would run roughshod over me, and I constantly felt like I was never enough. YUCK. It was a vicious cycle, that I could ultimately only break by getting clear enough on MY priorities to challenge that voice.
Not to say that any of this work has been easy – of course it hasn’t been! But it’s been worth it, and now I feel so much more easeful in life, even around my birthday. Now my only hard and fast rule? I don’t do commitments, period-the-end, on my birthday. I do whatever I want, and usually that means a great day with my guy.
You can do it too. Are you wanting a bit more ease and confidence? Ha ha is that even a question? If you’re reading this far, of course you do, and you’re in luck. I’m giving YOU a gift this month for my birthday! Back by popular demand, my FREE training on Imposter Complex is coming up the week of August 19th and it’s going to be so fun. I’ll be in touch about it, but go ahead and sign up here for it!Enjoyed the post? Share it!